Saturday, May 20, 2006
today i visited the blogs of some ppl in our class.
i didn't know nigel had a blog. i realised how little i understand my classmates. i realised how disjointed our class is. it's a class tt has been coercively pieced together, like a jigsaw puzzle tt doesn't fit. i guess i perceived this much earlier, it's just tt i've been avioding this fact and have been unwilling to accept it. until i read those blogs. those words which i share the same sentiments with are laid out before me, and i can no longer not be honest with myself. i must say i am not very happy in my class and i think many others agree with me. and the worst thing is tt the dance studio (ok, college studio) is not a place where i can seek refuge in whenever i want. unlike nanyang. it's like wat ritzley said: he will feel lost without vball. so will i without dance. now u know why all the more i feel so frustrated abt how the chi dance society is being run in hwa chong. oh noo. i dunno why but i suddenly feel like crying. ok, actually i am alr cryin.
i can't believe that almost one and a half years have passed and yet i have hardly spoken to some ppl in class. nigel's right. (i read his super old entry) it's more like having friends and not a class, honestly. yet it's so ironic that we lack class spirit and bonding but we share similar wishes of reverting back to our sec sch days. and since this is not possible, we all can't wait to graduate in order to get out of this cage, where we are pinned down, our movement hindered, and our joy suppressed. i can't wait to be released, can't wait to fly free, away from all this crap, where i can be myself - fully and comfortably.
don't get me wrong. it's not exactly the people who are bad or mean, but some how all of us come together and happen to not be able to click very well. Sometimes i wonder wat i'll be like in another sch. will i end up a different person? will i have better prospects and opportunities in their dance society? will i be able to form very strong bonds with my class and hold these close to my heart? or does the problem just lie with me? is it only me who's the antisocial one? is it only me who feels this way? but no, no. others feel this way too.
i'm confused. i don't know what to think. good nite.
Y11:34 PM
